Why Some People Always Medicate Themselves Through Retail Therapy
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Do you have a friend?
So I have a friend who goes on Amazon a tad bit too often. Maybe you have a friend like that? Or if you are a bit brave, maybe you are able to admit that you are that friend.
So my friend pretty much has something delivered to his front door every day. For him, it was on sale. He would tell me that it was a great deal. He has boxes of stuff that he had purchased just piled up inside his home, and they aren’t even opened. His wife would comment, half jokingly and half seriously, about my friend’s shopping habits.
If he actually used the items, it would have been better. But often the stuffy he buys aren’t exactly what the family needed or would use. He says he is always hunting for a great deal but deep down, the reality of his situation is that he is a compulsive shopper who shops when he is stressed.
You see, my friend works in a highly stressful job, and shops to comfort himself. I know he really gets stressed out from his work. He receives an inordinate amount of stress from his boss, his coworkers as well as from his clients. He doesn’t have a healthy outlet for stress through exercising or anything remotely constructive. So he goes online. A lot.
Actually, the challenge of my friend is that he doesn’t really know why he really shops. He thinks he is getting a great deal, but when you have upset spouses, and piles of unopened boxes, and still keep on purchasing, there should be enough signs to help you acknowledge that something is a bit off about our purchasing habits.
People like my friend aren’t that uncommon. Retail therapy happens on Amazon, on TV, at malls, or at our favorite stores. Instead of working through our emotions of anger, loneliness, rejection or disappointment, many of us go shopping. For many of us who relate to emotional pain through retail therapy, it is often based on what we were modeled with through our parents when we experienced loss or pain.
Do you know people who head out to malls when they are stressed or upset? Buy a pair of shoes, another bag, another game, another electronic gadget, another book, or another of whatever that makes you feel better. At least for that moment.
If you think you might be relating to money and spending money in such fashion, that is to comfort yourself or medicate yourself through retail therapy, perhaps it might be a good idea to begin examining your heart when you find yourself ready to go shopping again.
Emotional Triggers for Comfort Spending
When you were shopping, were you feeling angry? Perhaps the Lord is inviting you to examine how you were hurt. Instead of turning to shopping to temporarily medicate yourself and feel better, he might be inviting you to examine how you felt hurt? What if we were to consider our emotions as signs to pay attention to, and allow God to do the work of restoring us?
If we are feeling frustrated, what if we begin to examine how we may be feeling helpless in a particular situation? We live in a culture that is so afraid of paying attention to pain, that we so often fail to realize that pain is indeed a gift from God to help us deal with the root of the problem. We live in a society that has more options to numb our pain than ever before, and we fail to realize that our Creator made us feel pain so that we don’t hurt ourselves more and avoid true harm.
If we are feeling shameful, then instead of going shopping, we ought to look inside and begin examining what it is that we are trying to hide. Are there sins in our lives that God is trying to cleanse us from?
If we are feeling resentful or disappointed, we ought to examine what we were expecting. Are we aware of our expectations? Did we clearly communicate our expectations? Were our expectations realistic? Were they agreed? Or did we expect people to just miraculously read our minds? Could it be possible that the Lord wants you to grow to be more courageous in expressing your thoughts and desires?
If we are feeling depressed, perhaps we can dare to ask ourselves what it is that we may have lost. Maybe we lost our dignity, an opportunity, a relationship, or something else that was truly valuable. How do we grieve biblically healthy ways when we experience losses in our lives?
Or perhaps you are feeling jealous. Could it be that God is trying to refine us by dealing with areas of inadequacy in our lives? How might God be challenging you to place your sense of worth and identity in the finished work of the cross?
What if we receive these feelings as gifts from God, pay attention to them, and let God move us to trust more in the finished work of the cross in the person of Jesus Christ instead of just quickly turning to shopping to feel momentary ease?
What if God isn’t really interested in making us feel good, but more interested in making us holy and whole? Actually, Scriptures is rather clear about God wanting us to become more like Christ than making us happy.
Are You a Comfort Spender?
· Do I ever feel a need for a “retail therapy”?
· Do I find myself spending money when I feel emotionally agitated? Feeling upset, angry, frustrated, shameful, resentful, depressed or lonely?
· Do I feel a rush when I spend money?
· Do I feel guilty after spending money when the excitement wears off?
· Do I have items still in boxes with tags still attached?
· Does shopping help me relax and cheer up?
· When someone I love is in pain, do I spend money on them to soothe them?
If you answered yes to these questions, then there is a good chance that you might be a comfort spender. Are you ready to admit that you are? After all, if we aren’t even aware of the way we are shaped, then we can’t really begin the journey of transformation.
If we want to get to the destination of becoming secure stewards of God, then we have to first acknowledge where we are. And if we are comfort spenders, then we have to accept that as the starting point.
Basic Growth Steps
1. Do consider how you are feeling next time you feel the urge to go shopping. Instead of trying to ignore or avoid those feelings, consider the feelings as gifts from God to pay attention to and work through, signals from God, that something is wrong. Deal with your anger, frustration, shame, resentment, depression, jealousy or whatever else you may be feeling, and lay them down at the foot of the cross and work through your brokenness. Seek help from a wise and mature friend or your spouse.
2. Ask yourself if you are trying to soothe yourself through shopping, and spend some time journaling what is going on inside of you, examining your feelings, what happened recently that might be making you feel the way you are feeling, inviting God and laying down the incident and your feelings at the foot of the cross. If needed, seek guidance from those who are mature in their faith journey.
Next week, we will examine the careless spender financial-emotional type. My hope is that as we become more aware of how we are financially-emotionally shaped by our family of origin, we experience the transformational power of the gospel in our lives. Yes, reigning the elephants in us for God’s glory, allowing Christ to be not just our Savior, but indeed our Lord.
Are you ready to get started? Contact me at paul@jangfinancial.com if you want to help disciple your congregation as God-honoring stewards from a biblical perspective, or if you yourself want to grow as a steward seeking to practically manage the finances better to hear from our Lord upon his return, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” (Matthew 25:21, 23)
Questions to Ponder:
1. Were money or things used as a reward when you were growing up, to soothe disappointment or loss, as a distraction to boredom?
2. Were hurts and disappointments soothed with gifts or shopping trips when you were little?
Paul Jang
Pastor | Personal Financial Coach to Individuals & Financial Stewardship Ministry Consultant for Churches
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