Confessions of a Recovering Security Seeker

Confessions of a Recovering Security Seeker

I have to confess that spending money makes me uneasy at times.  I have felt this way for a long time, if not for the majority of my life.  Perhaps it has something to do with growing up rather poor and often feeling that my family just couldn’t afford things that my friends had. 

I want to clarify that my experience of poverty was based on growing up in the suburbs of New Jersey and in no way compares to a life of poverty in a third world country where poverty literally was about life and death.  I never lacked clothes on my back or food on my table.  My heavenly Father and my earthly father always provided.  However, I felt poor because we didn’t eat the kind of food others ate and we didn’t wear the kind of brand name clothes that people wore.  So I felt poor.

In my adulthood, even when I had money saved up for particular purchases, spending money even for items I had planned didn’t quite feel right.  A healthy person would be able to celebrate and feel good about the fact that he had saved up for purchases.  But often I wasn’t one of them.

Even when I had an emergency fund saved up, when unexpected expenses came up, I often felt upset.  I would wonder, isn’t this what the emergency fund was for?  Why can’t I experience some financial peace when clearly there was an emergency fund prepared for a rainy day like this?

I have to confess that for a much of my life, and even today, I confess that it is difficult for me to enjoy spending.  More often, I feel guilty, wasteful, and yes, even fearful at times.  Yes, even when the God blesses me with monetary gifts from generous loving people, I sometimes find it difficult to enjoy the gifts by spending it.

And what happens when my bank account balance drops?  You can probably guess.  Surely, something is broken inside. 

The Façade of a Security Seeker

Security seekers like me often appear to have a healthy perspective on and relationship with money because they are successful at managing their finances.  However, security seekers really struggle beneath the surface because deep down, they seek security in money than God, and are motivated by fear and operating under a poverty mindset. 

I am a follower of Christ, but I must confess that I am a recovering security seeker who finds himself seeking security in money than God at times, who is still learning, failing, and fumbling to both understand and live out the life of generosity that our generous God has demonstrated through his life.  After all, as Christian, we believe in a generous God who so loved, that he gave his only begotten son, right?

I was coaching a client recently, and as we went through the financial-emotional type, he readily admitted that he was a security seeker.  I invited him to journey with me so that we could mature as secure stewards of God with a healthy biblical perspective of and relationship with money, understanding God’s ownership and our stewardship of all God’s resources.   And knowing that we have the King of kings who owns the entire universe and generously gives us, that we would have an abundance mentality as generous givers.

Are You a Security Seeker?

·      Does spending money, in general, make me feel uneasy?

·      Even if I have money saved up, do I become upset when emergency expenses arise?

·      Do I feel the need to stay in control of my money?

·      Did I grow up poor?

·      Do I find it difficult to enjoy spending, even if I saved and budgeted for it?

·      Do I become fearful when my bank account balance drops?

·      When I consider how much is enough, either for my fully funded emergency fund or for my retirement savings, do I believe there is no safe amount?

If you answered yes to these questions, then you are probably a security seeker.  Are you ready to admit that you are?  After all, if we aren’t even aware of the way we are shaped, then we can’t really begin the journey of transformation.

If we want to get to the destination of becoming secure stewards of God, then we have to first acknowledge where we are.  And if we are security seekers, then we have to accept that as the starting point. 

Basic Growth Steps

1.    Do take the time to consider whether you are allowing yourself (and your spouse if you are married) to enjoy and share the money that God has given you to manage. 

2.    Evaluate where you need to make changes. Consider creating a budgetary category where you give to others in need (above and beyond your regular tithes and offering to your church), and create reasonable blow money that you can spend.

3.    Next time you feel afraid, consider either journaling your thoughts and feelings to God or simply take some time to pray to God regarding your struggle with fear, control, and trust.   

Next week, we will examine comfort spender financial-emotional type.  My hope is that as we become more aware of how we are financially-emotionally shaped by our family of origin, we experience the transformational power of the gospel in our lives.  Yes, reigning the elephants in us for God’s glory, allowing Christ to be not just our Savior, but indeed our Lord.

Are you ready to get started?  Contact me at paul@jangfinancial.com if you want to help disciple your congregation as God-honoring stewards from a biblical perspective, or if you yourself want to grow as a steward seeking to practically manage the finances better to hear from our Lord upon his return, “Well done, good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.  Enter into the joy of your master.” (Matthew 25:21, 23) 

Questions to Ponder:

1.   In your family of origin, what is your earliest money memory you have?  What patterns of money handling did you see growing up?

2.   If you identify yourself as a security seeker, how is the Lord convicting you and what steps can you begin to take?

Paul Jang

Pastor | Personal Financial Coach to Individuals & Financial Stewardship Ministry Consultant for Churches

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